One Year Anniversary

I am so excited that I have lived in this apartment for (almost) one year!!  It is such a beautiful place, with leaded glass at the top of the three front windows and a stained glass window at the top of the kitchen window.  I remember when my sister-in-law told me that we were going to look at this apartment.  We were walking through with the landlord and I was thinking, "There is no way that she is going to let me rent this apartment.  Please, please let me rent this gorgeous apartment!"  When she told me that I could move in on Monday, I was so happy.  I really needed some happy right then. 

Afterwards, having dinner at the Greek Food Festival, my brother told me that I looked dazed.  That's how I felt: dazed and disconnected from my life.  I wanted time to go by fast, so that I wouldn't have to feel sad and heartbroken.  This apartment helped me feel better.  I feel so lucky to live here.  I also feel extremely lucky to have my family.  My family showed up to pack up all of my stuff and move it out of my ex-boyfriend's house in one day.  They kept everything in their cars, houses, and a neighbor's garage over the weekend. They showed up again to move everything into my new apartment the following Monday. 

To celebrate my one-year anniversary of living here, I am having a party.  With cupcakes from Sweet Memories, a place that also played a part in getting me through the past year.  :)

 

Remembering

The day that I left my ex-boyfriend's house was horribly, heart-wrenchingly sad.  I remember waking up and calling my sister to tell her that I needed more boxes.  I told her about the drama from the night before.  I couldn't leave the house because my ex-boyfriend's son was sleeping and I was the only one there with him. 

My brother and sister-in-law dropped off some plastic totes.  Then, my sister showed up with boxes and coffee.  I was told that we were packing everything up and getting everything out by that night.  I don't really remember much about the packing.  I remember shoving clothes into garbage bags and handing the bags to my sister-in-law.  I remember yelling at my sister when she told me that I needed to stop being nice to my ex.  I remember someone taking my two dogs to the car and hearing my ex-boyfriend's dog crying, almost screaming, because I was leaving him behind. 

I remember sitting in a car while my sister went inside a drug store to buy me a toothbrush.  I didn't know where my old one had ended up once everything was packed.  My sister came out with a new toothbrush, some fuzzy socks and an iced tea for me.  

I remember being so very sad and heartbroken.

I remember crying to my mom later that night and telling her that I just wanted to go "home".

I remember having nightmares and waking up to a feeling of crushing sadness. 

I remember feeling overwhelmed by the kindness of everyone who had a hand in getting me out of that house and into my new apartment the following Monday.  

Now, nine months later, I am so grateful to be where I ended up.

Thank you, family.

Migraines: My Chain of Doctors

My primary care physician sent me to a neurologist.  My neurologist sent me to a psychologist.  My psychologist is trying to teach me to help control my migraines using biofeedback.  We are currently working on breathing techniques.  We have also had regular therapy sessions, which I was not sure about at first.  After my third session with my therapist, I found that I really like her and talking with her makes me feel better about myself. 

Also, the breathing techniques really have helped to cut down on the amount of migraines I get.  My therapist explained that I should be breathing from my diaphragm and not my chest.  This is something that I need to practice daily and I have been working on it.  It just seems crazy that I have never heard about this before and that I have been breathing shallowly my whole life.  There should be a public service announcement, "Breathe from your diaphragm, not your chest!  Breathing from your diaphragm reduces stress!"  Something like that.  I told my therapist this and she laughed.

I love my therapist.  She makes me feel not crazy. 

Ugh.

Last Thursday, I woke up with a severe migraine. I called in sick to work and took some Rizatriptan, which is usually my best friend. Unfortunately, it was too late for medication and I spent the entire day on the floor of my bathroom. It carried over into the next day and I wasn't able to function until around noon.

I think that the cause of this migraine had several variables.

1. I did not eat dinner the night before and instead snacked on some cured meats that my sister-in-law had ordered.

2. I had a drink and did not have any water.  I definitely need to drink more water! I know this and still do not drink enough water.  I should be drinking water now!

3. Wednesday night was a singles happy hour event, which was stressful/nerve-wracking.

4. After attending the singles event and not eating dinner, I received a stressful phone call from work. Seriously, administrative assistants should not have such a high level of work stress!  If I am an on-call admin assistant, I should be compensated for that! 

Anywho.  Last Thursday sucked.

A Teenager Made Me Cry

A few days ago, I went somewhere knowing that members of my ex-boyfriend's family would be there. I was just hoping that my ex-boyfriend would not be there. Some friends tried to talk me out of going, but I wanted to support my friend and her family. I knew that if I saw my ex, I would leave immediately to avoid any conflicts. The friend that I was showing up for has two teenage daughters. The younger daughter spotted me and waved, then came over to talk to me. What she said to me made me cry and laugh at the same time. She made me feel validated and supported, which was exactly what I needed. Teenagers. They are amazing and special people.

A heartbreaking loss of family

Sometimes I have sad days. Days when I think too much about my breakup and cry. I'm not crying over the guy who lied to me, cheated on me and broke my heart. I am crying because I feel such an incredible loss of family. A loss of all of his aunts, uncles and cousins that I had considered family for the past seven years. I cry because they have so easily replaced me with this new woman and welcomed her into their lives. I cry because it feels like I was never a part of their family and it is such a devastating realization. More than anything, though, I am crying over the kid that has been ripped out of my life. The boy that will turn 12 this year and was just coming out of his shell as a smart and funny little man. I cry because I am thinking of all of the mistakes I have made in the seven years that I was his stepmom. I cry because I am worried about his future. I cry because I miss him. Today was a sad day.

Migraines, part one

Migraines come from my mother's side of the family. My aunts had migraines, my mother had migraines, my sister had migraines, my cousins get migraines, I get migraines. I started getting migraines in my teens but they have gotten progressively worse as I hit my twenties and thirties. A few years ago, I started taking Maxalt when a migraine would come on. I wish that I had known about this earlier, since taking Maxalt is so much better than the alternative. The alternative being me, face-down in my bed with ice packs on my head and vomiting whenever I moved any part of my body. Sometimes I would just pass out on the bathroom floor because the coldness of the tiles felt so good. I would be out of commission for roughly 24 hours until the pain subsided. I am so glad that I am able to talk to my primary care physician about my migraines and we can work on a plan of treatment to reduce the amount of migraines that I get. My primary care physician sent me to a neurologist, who put me on an elimination diet. Through the elimination diet, I found that I can get a migraine from eating (among other things...)cheeses, cheese-flavored breads/crackers, chocolate, hot dogs, and drinking wine. The neurologist also has me taking some vitamins & mineral supplements. At my follow-up neurologist appointment, I was told that I was now a "smart migrainer". I now know what foods will give me a migraine and what my migraine triggers are: stress, my menstrual cycle, not drinking enough water, summer heat/sun and sometimes rainy weather. Migraines suck.